Thinking more than writing

That's what I've been doing lately, thinking more than writing. My 'normal' job gave up on me - it couldn't cope with my demands to sleep in the middle of the day and burst into tears intermittently. Pretty pathetic of it really. So, because I refuse to believe I'm not ill enough to sign on, I started doing some freelance writing work. Perfect! or so I thought...

The idea of working around my sleeplessness was a good one. I could work in the middle of the night if I was awake, and catch up on sleep during the day when the writing was done. Unfortunately it didn't really work like that. I still feel the need to conform to a 'regular' sleep pattern even though it's no longer necessary, and I don't want it to be necessary. I still go to bed at a semi-normal time but I lie awake, becoming stressed about the fact I could be doing something else. I usually fall asleep at around 2 or 3 am until about 6. Then during the morning I could sleep for Britain if I let myself. The problem is if I do let myself sleep more in the morning I become angry with myself and I'm not motivated to work when I get up at around midday. If I don't let myself sleep in the morning, I suffer with brain fog for several hours and I don't do any work. Basically the mornings are OUT when it comes to writing.

I'm not sure what the answer is. I want to work 6 or 7 good work hours most days, but whichever tactic I use, it doesn't seem to work. Maybe I just need to be more patient and this is all part of my depression working itself out. The writing work is good for that; it gives me something to focus on, but I still spend more time thinking and staring at the screen than I do actually writing.

A few people have asked me where I get my writing work from, most of it is from www.elance.com If you want to try them out, please use the badge below as they have a referral scheme, and every little helps!

The Pig of Happiness

I had to share this with you, it's adorable. Please pass it to other people and share the happiness :-)

A calm mind, a calm night

I read something the other day that said Geminis have trouble sleeping because their minds are too busy. Geminis and health. I can totally identify with that so searched for mind quietening visualisations and here are some of my favourites.

1.   A calm mind for better sleep A brilliant insomnia website, full of useful tips.

2.   Internal Yoga A useful technique for relaxation before bed

3.  A visualization to calm the mind  A very useful activity

4.  8 tips to quieten the mind  Another excellent site with some good meditation resources

5.  Progressive relaxation  A very useful technique which can be highly effective

6.  A guided imagery technique for insomnia  I really like this one and will try it tonight

There are so many more out there on the internet, plus youtube has a lot of yoga and relaxation videos that might help.  Other ways I've found to help quieten my Gemini mind are:

1. Don't work too late (it's now 1.40am oops!)
2. Listen to relaxing music or a meditation podcast before sleep
3. Don't work in the bedroom - keep it a relaxation room
4. Write down the next day's tasks long before bed
5. Keep pen and paper by the bed in case I think of anything else I want to remember

To all of you who are having trouble sleeping, try some of these out. I'd love to know how you get on.

Sleep tight xx

Working my way round the insomnia

The insomnia isn't as bad now. Well, every other night it isn't too bad. I've now given up trying to get a 'normal' sleep pattern and have realised that going back to my old job of teaching adults in a difficult environment would not be the best idea. Instead I've decided to do freelance work from home. Perfect! I can work when I'm awake and it doesn't matter when that is. I don't have to lie awake for hours because I don't want to take a sleeping tablet for the insomnia - I can get up and do something, and it doesn't matter if I doze off again in the afternoon. Besides I can have clients in any time zone and still communicate with them in real time - wonderful!

Or is it? I might not have to get up at 6.30 every morning (which is the nightmare of many an insomniac) but the work of a freelancer isn't guaranteed, and it can consist of boring, repetitive work that can numb the brain... Or maybe it might actually help me sleep....

Insomnia

I've been suffering from insomnia for several months now and seem to be incapable of staying asleep for more than three hours. Margaret Thatcher allegedly slept for four hours a night, and that isn't uncommon, but I don't think anyone manages with three on a long term basis. It seems such an arbitrary length of time, just on the cusp of being enough to cope, but I can set a watch by it. Not that I have a timepiece in the bedroom any more, that's A Bad Thing for insomniacs. I've tried herbal remedies, aromatherapy, reflexology, reiki, acupuncture, meditation, baths, milky drinks, alcohol, no alcohol.... Most of the suggested remedies, in fact. I've also tried sleeping tablets but they gave me nightmares and made me even less capable of a normal day as they caused a hangover of grogginess that took hours to shake off after I woke.

Today I got an email from Amazon about I Can Make you Sleep by the hypnotist and writer Paul McKenna. Make seems a strange word to use - I'd assume I need help rather than compulsion. I have visions of Mr McKenna coming to my flat and shining a bright torch in my eyes in a bid to confuse me before getting a hired thug to hit me over the head with a baseball bat and try to persuade me to give him the details of my dreams when I wake. I suspect, however, that the reality is somewhat more subdued, and in my desperation for sleep I may well add it to the list of things I've tried to help me.

Can I?

I wanted to share with you some thoughts I had recently.

I was talking with a group of people who were all at stages in their lives where they feel they needed to, or wanted to, make a change of some kind. One person there wanted to change her career completely but said several times "I don't know if I can do it."

It then occurred to me that we all ask that question a lot:

Can I have more time to do what I want to?
Can I afford a holiday?
Can I work part time?
Can I be paid for what I enjoy doing?

and so on - the list of "can I's" in life is probably endless, especially with the demands on everyone now and the fast pace of change in our society.

Most people think of "Can I?" in the sense of "Am I able to?" but I realised that equally important is the sense of asking permission. When we say "Can I open the window?" we are asking permission, not if we are able to do it.

So it is important that we give ourselves permission to do things sometimes. There are times in our lives when we need to allow ourselves to take a risk, to be scared, to go against the grain of what is often accepted, or even to just stop for a while and think, while the rest of the world is rushing madly by.

Next time you are thinking about making a change in your life, find a quiet place, stand there and think to yourself - "Can I do it?"